This post makes me feel so much better :)
Me: oh thats cute
*checks price tag*
Me: no its not
*checks price tag*
Me: no its not
cancerousmexicanfetusrapewhistle:
cancerousmexicanfetusrapewhistle:
I’ve got a joke: What walks on 8 legs until it’s one year old, 4 legs until its twenty years old, and then 2 legs for the remainder of it’s life?
WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT PLEASE IF THIS IS A JOKE IT’S NOT FUNNY
The strongest ‘pound for pound’ muscle is the uterus: it weighs around 2 pounds but during childbirth can exert a downward force of 400 Newtons, which is one hundred times as strong as gravity and equivalent to the power in a fully extended modern longbow.
I need masculism because I am afraid.
you should be
All I can imagine from this is launching babies with a longbow.
… today is a weird day for me.
“mommy, can I-“
“not unless u get 100000 notes on a post, honey”
Some interesting info: This is very reminiscent of the Baby X experiments, in which it was discovered that people reacted differently to a baby’s behavior depending on whether or not they believed the baby to be male or female. People were asked to watch a video of a baby reacting to a startling image (a Jack-in-the-box popping up), and describe the baby’s emotional state. When people believed the baby to be female, they described the baby as being scared and upset; when they thought the baby was male, they perceived the baby to be angry. This was very telling, as it showed that literally identical behavior could be construed differently based on the perceived gender of the subject.
I hope everyone that reads this realizes the significance of this on for both genders.
i wonder if anyone ever sees me on my dash and wishes they could talk to me
you don’t understand i would sell my firstborn to know how this story started
Well it all started when Mrs. Hayfer wanted me to babysit her dumb house. When I got the keys, I sat them on top of this pie that I found on the counter. I knew it was going to be given to the family for desert if I didn’t eat it soon, so I was going to plan to eat it in my teacher’s house and dump all the crumbs on her bed. So it’s a win-win, right? Besides, she wouldn’t find out about the crumbs until after I was paid, and this teacher hates me anyway. Then, I got distracted when this hot cheerleader calls me, asking about what movie I’d recommend, but before I could answer, I realize that my mom would be there any second to serve dinner, and there was no way I was sharing that pie. So I bust out of there with the pie and the keys, and the moment I get in the house, I start chowing down on the pie with my bare hands, trying to eat this thing before anyone knows I took it, right? Well, since the pie crust was dry, I chugged a 2-liter bottle of soda whenever my throat would get dry and eventually, I really needed “to go.” Only when I went to flush, the water wouldn’t stop flowing and there was no plunger to be found. Usually I’d just shrug and say it was Josh’s fault or something, but let’s get real here, Mrs. Hayfer would’ve blamed me about her toilet overflowing if I was 30 states away. So I jammed my foot in there, hoping it’d make the toilet stop flushing. Then my phone rings, and I knew it was my mom, asking where her pie went, and because Meghan decided it’d be a great idea to make my ring tone a bunch of cats meowing, Mrs. Hayfer’s dog, Tiberius starts freaking out, bashing into the door over and over again. Now anyone who knows this dog knows that this dog will happily eat anything, and that includes the pie, and probably myself. So my foot’s totally stuck in there right, I’m freaking out and I still got half a pie left.
BLESS YOU
maybe post limit is a good thing
omg a wine blog started following me because of this post i don’t know what they’re expecting
FIONA I’VE BEEN LAUGHING AT THE WINE BLOG FOR 5000 YEARS
